one for grandmom

last week, my three little bunnies, my mom, my brother, and sister-in-law joined my dad and fam in his hometown of pittsburgh. our whole lives, we’ve headed up there as often as possible for holidays or summer visits… and even though we would’ve loved being closer in proximity to the rest of our family, we also really enjoyed having a home away from home to look forward to visiting! maybe i’m biased, but i don’t think there’s a house in nashville quite as cool as my grandparents big ole 100 year old tudor-style home. 🙂

this time we headed up for my grandmom as the hospice nurses were giving her very little time left. like minutes. maybe days. but true to her nature, one of quiet strength, she kept on going longer than expected. honestly, i think everyone was starting to wonder why on earth she wasn’t begging her guardian angel to unlock the gates of heaven already [to think she’d no longer have to be trapped in her body sounded truly wonderful!], but it gives me so much peace to know that i got to tell her we were there and we loved one more time. ♡

one of the silliest forms of agony i’ve unintentionally put myself through again and again is to picture like a movie… but i really can’t help it. somewhere in my mind i’ve always had this old fashioned movie reel playing cinematic scenes… years of memories set to sentimental music leading up to full circle moments and inevitable bittersweet ends…

and the ends, oooh, they get me. to be honest, i simply just do not do final chapters very well. it’s my weakness. i’m sentimental, and i will happily do the same things over and over for approximately 78 years to avoid there being a last time. which is why i guess it’s good that so often you don’t know a last time is a last time! but then i kind of worry as i go through life… what if is this the last time? for example, once it was pointed out to me that there would be a last time you pick up and hold your child, though you likely won’t know when that last time is going to be… well, that put the panic right in my chest. you can bet i will pick up and hold my babes until it breaks. my. back.

…final chapters. gosh.

buuut anyway! for all these reasons and many more, it’s been super important to me to make memories up there with my kiddos and for my kiddos, the first and only great-grandchildren so far. for the last few years, we’ve been able to do just that… we had the very best summer visit. one very hard and unexpected visit for my cousin. one to celebrate the life of my grandpap. and a fun one this last spring, thankfully! my bigger babes talk all year about their pittsburgh memories, and that. com. pletes. me.

for just a moment on this last trip, things were kind of symbolically almost as they should be! luca sat up and played like a big boy on the floor of the living room for the very first time… grandmom up in her bedroom and family all through the house. the big kids ran between the two houses [my grandparents’ house and my aunt and uncles’ house] happily with their absolute favorite human, cousin bella. and then everyone gathered for a delicious meal that my aunt kindly had catered for us all…

…stella’s mama, luna, and brother, stryker!

…my poor luca was suddenly so sick when we got there! he was fevered and fussy, and i was overcome with worry since he’s never been like that before. about a full day later, i realized he’d had a tick bite. my poor baby!! luckily, he started to feel better before we left, and we saw our pediatrician once we were back home. but it was so sad to see him down and not quite know what to do. and geez, such timing. isn’t that life sometimes!

…my uncle joe, dad’s older brother, pulled out a tub full of little boy heaven and rocco’s life was maaade!

…maddalena drew daliahs for grandmom [her name is dalia!] and we brought it for her on our last trip… so, when i saw it on the wall by her bed it made me so happy. also, my dad and the kids have come up with a lot of hilarious scenarios for what on earth could be going on in that painting above. hahaha. no clue. i believe they suspect that there is something of value in that fancy chick’s basket. haha!

…we liiiiiive for our bella time!

…thanks for sharing your bedroom with us, beauty bellbell!!

…getting smiles from the babiest bunny in grammy’s dressing room [i love that you can see her peeking at us in that charcoal drawing of her on top of the dresser!]

…morning pajama selfies with aunt alisa!

…there have been so many memories made around this table over sooo many years. i have loved seeing their fresh little lives making new ones right there!

…i believe mom was saying the word “salami” and doing the appropriate hand gesture, as well. she knows what she’s doing.

…i’ve taken so many photos of this wall. it makes me happy.

…there are so many entertaining treasures to be found, ha!

…fresh air and birdy watching

…bunnies on the back steps!

…gosh they’ve grown so much since their first time in the ‘burgh.

…grandmom and flowers, always

…the eyes of a baby boy who’s fiiinally feeling better!

…sweet luca bunny!

…my favorite little tiny crew outside my favorite big ole house

…my grandpap and his mom! and i love that the accidental reflection is reminiscent of a double-exposure, because, i don’t know. life is so layered like that.

…just gander at those yummy leg chunks and add this shot to the “babes napping in pittsburgh” collection.

…the bigger bunners were all, “um why are you taking a picture of your sandwich?” and i was basically like, “because i dream about this quality of sandwich when we aren’t here, and i just don’t understand why nashville can’t take sandwiches more seriously.”

…we had two huge bags of megablocks at our house for a solid 5 or 6 years which were rarely played with and may have finally *mysteriously* disappeared [nobody even noticed!], but!!! discover a box of blocks in pittsburgh!!! hours of delight!! and… i love it.

…big boy playtime!!!

…cousin cheersing with uncle jim’s chocolatecello!

…gram & pap’s house out the window ♡

…family dinner next door on a beauuuutiful evening!

…baby luca’s first cousin pic! although… we are missing quiiite a few. that’s okay, because i’m pretty sure we’ve now established that i’ll be insisting upon these group cousin photos until we’re at least…….. 70.

…aaand travel day prep: coffee, baby naps, little potty experiences, and why the soap on the tp! haha!

…poepoe & babylu in the kitchen!

…these two orange blocks made the two flights home in my purse because luca loved them so much.

…sugar and her pretty blue eyes!

our grammy, she loved having her family around and together. i think of that summer not too long ago that we were all up there and gathered in her living room chatting and sipping wine while my aunt bridget played the piano. they brought grandmom in to sit with us, and she was so happy she was laughing! even when she couldn’t walk or talk or even swallow, she could still let out a laugh. and so… i wonder if this time maybe knowing everyone was there helped give her the peace she needed. maybe! who knows. and in the wee hours on the day we were to fly home, she went to join our pappap up there with jesus and countless others waiting with open arms.

also! grandmom was so tech-savvy. she loved designing and printing her own greeting cards. she emailed and loved social media. she adored getting to keep up with my photos of the great-grandbabies and set them as her backgrounds on all of her screens… and i always knew that if no one else ever saw my silly blog posts, she would. that’s half the reason i kept on doing it. 🙂 so this is for you, grandmom!!! we love you so much!!!

OH!!! and oh my gosh… so, the babes and i had to go ahead and fly home, but my parents were there longer with everyone for the funeral and all. before they returned, i was literally in bed in the middle of the night thinking of all the photos we should’ve recreated in that house and how i would spend the rest of my life in regret. haha. then, the next day my mom texted me the very. very. very. best. photo. recreation. of. all. i couldn’t even keep it together…

…yep, i’m toast. good job, you guys!! i love this so much, and i’m pretty sure gram and pap are up there loving it, too.