going from one to two to three!

it’s such a topic, the jumps you make when going from one to two to three babies!! which transition is the most challenging? and at which point is it just routine to throw in another baby? haha! moms love this discussion, for real. it’s different for everyone, and i go back and forth on it all the time, myself!

here are my thoughts… if i can even begin to sum them up, that is!

with the first baby: personally, i think this transition is the biggest shock to the system! your world is pretty much flipped upside down, and suddenly it revolves around a new, tiny person that you are completely responsible for in every single way. morning and night. for me, that was actually the best thing. i was tired of worrying about my own minutia, and i needed a fresh purpose. a tiny BFF who smiled at me first thing in the morning and genuinely needed me was the sweetest. she gave new life to every mundane adultish thing i had previously dreaded doing by myself! i know it’s not like that for everyone, though. so many people take a huge hit to the bank account, too, if they decide to go from two paychecks down to one! i’m proud to say… that wasn’t our problem. 😉 haha! but i did have a lot of stress and anxiety. i worried about “judgement” [ha. so lame! as if other people know what they’re talking about, anyway!] and getting things “right.” [again! let it goooo!] but it was such a wonderful time getting to focus on her and just figure out life! still… get your midnight painting sessions and spontaneous boat dancing out of the way before you have your first baby. and if you have any notion of “having things figured out,” just go on and let that go! k? k.

with the second baby: i think this transition depends on how close in age your babies are! i have friends that had two babes under 18 months, and i know that must’ve been so hard! i won the lottery having a 3 year old mini-mommy when we had a second baby. she would sit and talk to him and hold him and he adored her right away. however! i felt tremendous amounts of guilt learning to divide myself between kiddos. i felt guilty that i was shifting the pace of my first baby’s world and i felt guilty that i couldn’t give 150% of myself to my second baby’s world. i also have a very guilt-ridden personality, so there’s that. and they were both small, so for a long time, my entire body just ached all over by the end of the day! however, i knew that giving my kiddos each other was the most important thing in the long run [for our family, i mean!], and that the more challenging period wouldn’t last. so… i can’t say this was the craziest transition, since we were already in baby mode! but it was the most physically taxing for me. still, i felt like i had my tiny girlfriend and my most charming little boyfriend and they honestly just made my days so happy!! ALSO! we were crazy and decided to sell our house and move to a larger, older house when he was 3-4 months old. whew!!! i’m glad we did it, but i’m also glad i had no idea how hard that would be! *okay, and i am adding right here that i fully believe that two is “easier” than one in the long run! you have extra helping hands with the older sibling, and then they have each other as they get older!

with the third baby: granted, i’m only 3 months into having three little love bunnies, but out of all of the transitions… for me, 3 feels like finally reaching nirvana somehow!! i was telling someone just recently that i’ve gotten to enjoy this babyhood in a whole new way. the “big kids” [as they’re now called! crazy!] have each other a lot of the time, so while there’s still some guilt as i try to divide myself, yet again… it’s not usually the intense guilt i had going from one to two. most of my guilt has to do with all that mr. thirdborn has to put up with! he’s so patient as he sits and listens to the bigger babes whine [no! they would never!], he gets thrown in the car every day, though he typically hates it. and he doesn’t always get the immediate attention he needs, because it’s like some silent alarm goes off, and everyone seems to need things immediately all at the same time! especially if i’m trying to fix dinner! still… i don’t have the same worries that i had the first time around, or even the second. i’m not trying to follow anyone’s “rules” for any of it. and baby boy has the biggest fan club of his very own! so, i think three is where the challenges become the many things to do and the little time to do it. also, having one in school now is a whole extra layer of crazy in my brain. but you do learn to 1. accept help [!!!! the horror. i literally was previously unable to accept help.] and 2. do anything you need to do while holding and nursing a baby. so. sure, i’m tired, but i’m used to that! coffee and vitamin D [like get the D3/K2 drops, for real.] are my bestest friends!! and also… i mean he’s an angel dreamboat heaven child and i’m in love. the oxytocin is real [and of course, i have felt that way with each of my babes!]. 😉

anyway, before our second and again before our third, we would think, “how are we going to manage X or Y or Z with another baby?” but in every scenario, you just do it. i don’t know! last week, i faced a whole new challenge keeping two kids with the flu cared for while keeping a healthy baby cared for in a different section of the house. it wasn’t fun, but we’re past it!

and after that?! obviously, i don’t know firsthand [i’m the first of three, myself!]… but when i think of four, i can’t imagine that the dynamics change all that much. then it becomes… what car do you drive? what trips can you take?! how do you arrange bedrooms? honestly, i think the forced flexibility is really good for humans, in general! haha. my dad is one of six and i love that! he’s the 4th in his fam, and he’s literally just the best. but i can tell you right now… as much as my baby makes me want like, 10 of them… we very well may be good here at three. 🙂 [i was previously adamant that this was our last, but right now i’m not willing to admit it!]

but overall… the thing is! i look at my first and my second and i see how big they are. how fast it went. how fast it’s going! and it is heartbreaking! and here my new baby is, GUNNING IT toward childhood. time is flying, and it’s not going to stop. SO! i will soak up my baby. i will soak him up, every inch, every second of him. i will soak up my big kids before they’re BIGGER kids. i will fill up my iphone and my camera cards and my car and my baskets of toys and my vacuum cleaner, and it is love, and that is that!

in summary: have babies. we’ll have a coffee/wine playdate. the end. xoxo.

ps. how many do you want/have? which has been the biggest transition?!