…so. where did i leave off? oh, yes! rocco was getting sick on christmas day. boooo. i mean, it was almost laughable at that point! madd and steven were sick the week before that. rocco was sick before that. i was sick before that. rocco was sick before that… should i go on?! ahh!!!
so, baby boy, oh the poor thing. he woke up pretty icky feeling the next day… which was… our travel day, as we typically leave after christmas to get some downtime in the 30A realm with steven’s side. we ended up heading off that day, anyway [after much debate], which actually made for a relatively calm 7 hour journey chock full of screen time! but that poor boy slept hardly a wink in the car. aaand the next morning we headed straight for the local doctor’s office. both bunnies’ ears were deemed infected and loads of medication prescribed! [m’s first antibiotic, hey hey!] [also, i guess they just figured rocco was already at the tail end of a virus, and we were told to give additional amounts of pain meds until he was comfortable]. rocco finally slept for 5 hours on me that afternoon while maddalena went off for a mani/pedi with steven’s sister. gosh, i am always grateful for help with one baby when another is requiring extra love!! she got to have girly time and rocco finally got to sleep! thank goodness. thaaaank goodness. they were both improving in no time, and got to fully enjoy cookie baking and puzzles and bubbles and sandy, sandy playtime in the days that followed.
for me, though… to be honest… this was truly a week full of waves. waves of emotion. waves of exhaustion. waves in my silly hair. the calm waves of the gulf were the smallest of all, actually. i ran off to cry salty tears into my wine glass on more than one occasion… [again, hallelujah for many hands on the chillen pies!] hence the lack of photographic evidence of my existence, i suppose. as our relatively difficult year neared its close, life just felt… i don’t know. pretty heavy.
at one point, on the prettiest day of the week, i stood with my feet in the sand and looked out at the sparkly sea… and i stood there long enough that my feet started sinking with every chilly wave. and i thought… sinking! i’m sinking. what an accurate picture of how i feel. sinking. tiny bit by tiny bit. slowly, subtly sinking. i saw others around me floating, jumping, playing, swimming, but i was anchored in one place. i felt hands, heard voices, people… near me… beside me… but i continued to settle into the sand. even if i’d wanted to dive in head first… jump in and tread water… ride the waves with strength… i just couldn’t. i was stuck in one place. sinking. but then i remembered my calling… the order that has become so clear to me as the last several months have gone on: “be still and know that i am God.” sure, sinking is what it felt like, but still is what i’m supposed to be. my head would stay above water. i journaled a little bit about this quickly in my phone later that day, and oh, how cathartic. that always helps a picture come together for me. [i really haven’t been a huge journaler in quite some time, but i do frequently jot down thoughts! i’ve learned that if i’m not writing here, i really have to be writing somewhere.]
so!!! i guess the moral of the story is… my bunny babes are sure photogenic no matter the week. nothing keeps me from an iphone full of sweet bunner documentation! especially when i catch them blowing bubbles by the glistening sea. 🙂
also, that i’m sure thankful for a village of support when times are not the easiest.
and! i’m learning that you are supposed to embrace difficult times, not reject them, because that’s where you’ll find the most growth.
aaaanyway! we had a successful journey home with much happier little babes. i mean, LOL at the hot mess pics we ended with, but the smiles are what count! then, we had one solid day at home – a relaxing, organizational, laid back new year’s eve… before the kiddos and i headed out on a plane bound for pittsburgh early the next morning. which was good. needed. necessary, of course. honestly, i wasn’t ready to be home yet. i can often be a homebody, but i also get quite restless. i’d been thankful to be away for those days after christmas… and afterward, i was more than ready to go hug my hurting loved ones, smell some favorite smells, experience one last wave [goodbye], gaze at the peaceful snow, and be back in another place that has always been a sort of home to me.
…aaaaaand i guess we’re all caught up on all that! whew! if you made it this far… umm… wow! can i offer you some wine later? that’s usually what i give people when they’re willing to put up with me. 😉
xoxoxo
Hope your heart is healing……
(LOVE me some Florida! Can’t wait to be there in April)
oh, thank you so much!!!!
oh I can relate to that sinking feeling, in a couple aspects of my life right now. i don’t normally post things like this, but our pastor gave an amazing sermon on the season of winter in our life (when we feel like we are sinking) and it may be worth a listen! I’ve listened to it three times since hearing it at church, it has a lot of perspective on why we have these moments of sinking.
http://www.hopechristianchurch.com/sermons/?category=Tis+the+Season
thank you SO much for sharing!!! i seriously cannot wait to listen. i’m soaking in anything like this i can get! thank you, friend!!
Oh these pictures though. And this post. Times are rough and man… coming out of them… how do we do it? It’s hard to imagine not going under but then there you have it… so sorry this time in your life happened and again, hope you get some peace girl!
thank you my lovely friend <3 your words of support are ALWAYS so appreciated!!!
Glad your kiddos are feeling better and hopefully this year is looking up! So sorry for your family’s loss.
thank you so much!!!! here’s to 2018, right!!!
Oh, Brittany, sweet friend, I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough season. Praying for you! You have such a positive beautiful outlook on life, and goodness you’re right: those babes of yours are so precious! And these photos are STUNNING. Hoping for lots of joy and love in the coming months!
xo
thank you so much, love!!!! i know you are no stranger to the HARDEST of times. your words mean a lot! xoxoxo
You picked the thoughts right out of my head! I live at the beach (about 8 months/year) and I am always thinking about the waves/ life metaphor. I also felt that God was giving me that exact scripture at many points within the past year, and as these things go, it started popping up EVERYWHERE. Another scripture I have been meditating on is Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (and some translations say ‘silent’ or ‘quiet’). And ss I have been meditating on it, I have been picturing myself in the position of the Israelites:
We are encamped on the shores of the Red Sea. Slaves trying to flee the wrath of Pharaoh, sojourning to the
Promised Land. We are tired and weary of the desert journey and alas, we look up and find the whole strength of
Pharaoh’s army bearing down upon us. “Oh Lord, our God!”, we cry. A voice of truth assures us, “Fear not, stand
firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. …The Lord will fight for you, and you have
only to be silent.” The force behind us is swift and relentless and we are terrified. We cannot see the way out. Too
weak from sojourning to flee on land, we will surely be caught by chariot and bow and sword. We are led to this
seemingly endless shore (the Red Sea), but there are no boats, and we number in the thousands. We are trapped-
death is on both sides. But a man lifts up his arms with a staff made of wood, and suddenly, against every principle of
physics and nature, there is a way through. We are afraid to walk through the water, and every fiber of our being is
telling us it is not safe. But it is the only way. The man lifts up his arms until every man, woman, and child that has
been led to the shore is safely through. It is finished. The man stretches out his hand, and the sea closes over the
enemy. Victory.
Just like the Egyptians, we are standing at a sea as the weight of suffering and sin bear down upon us. We are enslaved by the sins and sorrows of the world. We cry out, “Oh Lord, our God, rescue us!” and a voice speaks: “Fear not, stand firm, …The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Now, instead of Moses, Jesus’ arms are lifted up on the wooden cross and suddenly, there is a way through. He waits for every man, woman, and child he has led to that place to cross safely through. He stretches out his hands on the cross and it is finished. The sea covers the enemy forevermore. “He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters.” He has made a way through.
Is there anything more glorious than to know that in our deepest anguish and suffering, there is a way through? It took me 31 years to understand this, even though I still have so many questions and moments of feeling like I am surrounded on all sides. But Glory, Hallelujah, He has made a way through.
(Apologies for the novel, but I wanted to share more than a trivial thought…)
WOW thank you so much for sharing all that!!!!! you are an incredible writer, i really hope you have a journal… or… lead an entire church or something! incredible. thank you. 🙂 and the two “be still” verses have been huge in my life lately [the one you wrote and psalm 46:10], so it’s crazy that you would mention that one specifically! thank you, thank you!!! i love this so so much, and i’m glad to have this beautiful thought and narrative to come back to now. xoxoxo.
Gosh- I had no idea the text would show up with those weird spaces! Makes it seem even looooooonger…sorry! I do keep a journal but find it increasingly more difficult to share writing online because it seems to always offend someone. But I don’t think there is anything offensive in here? I’m glad we can encourage each other with these verses and the different ways they have popped up in our lives. The older I get, the more I appreciate walking alongside others who are on the same journey! <3 <3 <3